The year 2017 has been a very eventful and transformational year for me. I had a lot lost and a lot found. A lot of things I had to get rid off and things I gained. If I had to list the things that mattered to me here it is.
1)Getting rid of my sad matrimonial ties(January)
Woohoo! I am happily unmarried!!Finally, I received the divorce order and I am all set for a new life. I can't say I fought for it. I Did. But legal battles with the court procedure itself is the biggest test of patience I had to face. Knowing that few things are not in my hands and I had to let go happened to be a tougher decision for me. I learnt patience. I learnt to let go. I learnt that not everything can be planned and controlled. But it all matters in the end when bad things have to end.
2) My first trek to Nishani Motte(February), Monsoon Trek to Kodachadri(May)
Walking through the green carpets of Sahyadri range is the best kindof therapy for any kind of problem. The narrow valleys and paths, the stony and grassy terrains and finally the view from the peak is what sets you free.It was a challenge for me as I was never fit enough to walk even 5 kms. Thanks to a new group of friends who introduced me to trekking and motivated me. Vinodh, Vinutha, Muthu, Deepika, Dushyanth and Sripal A new set of friends who walked with me on this new milestone. Thanks to the wonderful people who inspired me to trek Kodachadri trek during monsoon. Amazing experience.
I learnt that new things are fun.Give it a chance. Trekking is healthy too. I learnt my health was terrible. I have been trying to build my stamina ever since.
3) Losing my gall (June)
This was the most unexpected event of the year. The backaches which I suffered were perhaps because of the gall stones. I had terrible pain one night and the next night I was being prep'd for surgery. The pain was excruciating. I thought I was going to die ailing. I was in hospital and just before they gave me anesthesia my life flashed before my conscious mind but I couldn't catch anything that really mattered to me. It was just a blank flash. When I regained consciousness after surgery I regretted that I couldn't really point out things that mattered the most to me. except my family. I had not done anything important for people to remember me by. If I was to be dead or return crippled, I would have regretting not being able to do so much more. My bad eating habits was what had caused it? I am not sure. but it was a wake up call to focus on my physical and mental health. To do things the right way and do the right things. I learnt that I had to do things that matter to me and that matter to people.
4)Reconnecting with school friends and Encountering a long lost friend(Feb Onwards)
This has always been a constant for me. My 2 friends Usha and Pooh have always been there. Although we have fights and misunderstandings, we always find our way back to each other. I guess we are family now and as the unspoken rule of being a family, you cannot stay ignoring one another for long :) Love them both. They both are icons of strength and compassion. I cannot really talk about them, coz they mean a lot more to me than words could ever express.
I also reconnected with Vinutha, who opened me up to the possibilities of traveling and treking more. Who introdcued me to the wonder group of people I mentioned earlier. I suppose school friends do know the deepest emotions.
Whatever they couldnt see was seen by another close friend Rohith. He and I have always been good friends since college. He is one person you can talk sense and nonsense with. Since he too was going through matrimonial problems himself, it was easy to open up to him on life talks. He made me realize that I was too sentimental and overthink about everything .I had to start having fun and be carefree. I had to let go of my inhibitions and fear of judgmental people. He is a guy with passion about singing and acting. I admire that and how hard he works towards it. It inspired me focus on how serious and passionate I am and have to be about EVERYTHING in my life.
Friends really teach you a lot. I have learnt to love and forgive from them. Love you all so much :)
5) Forgiving and being at peace with people who no more are a part of my life(April and June)
It was never easy to let go of things that never had closure in my life. I have lost several people in my life. Friends and dear ones. But having learnt to love myself first now, I think I have learnt that I cannot wait for someone to love me or approve me. I am at peace with how things have been. I have spoken to people who have wronged me or hurt me. It does not hurt me anymore. Infact I feel better that I have finally made peace with people who once were the reason why I turned out broken and sad. I am happy that I can talk to them without being hurtful and that is all that matters to me. I wish them all the love and happiness. I wish myself more love and happiness. I am thankful that I finally see how maturity works.
6) Buying a new home(July)
All said and done, my mother's question has always been this "when will you settle?". I have been travelling a lot this year. I want to go home but no place feels like home to me. I am free when I am on the move. But if i had to get tired and bored, my mom thinks, I need a place to stay. So I overreached and invested in the biggest plan ever. I purchased a house. Whats to learn here and be thankful? Well, I have a place to call mine. I have committed in something and I need to see through this fully. and it made my parents happy.
7) Finding a new job role with authority(August)
I always felt stuck at my job since I joined SAP. I thought I compromised a lot when I shifted. In Early Jan, we had a reorg and we did not have much of a choice to find the job that suited my skillset. I continued to work but halfheartedly. Until in August, I was offered a new role to be accountable for the Quality of cloud solutions and for 5 different cloud solutions. Now I feel challenged at work. The work is hectic, but during work, that is all I can think of. My skill set is utilized, my talent is recognized and efforts are quantifiable. So I am happy to see where I invest my time and how I can rule the decisions. Regaining control and authority has definitely given me more confidence to deliver the best version of the solution and the best version of me. I learn and guide and I love my job.
8) Work travel to Mumbai. (September)
This was my first travel alone. Travelled with a really amazingand supportive colleague(and mentor) but that can be ignored for now. It was not the travel experience that I could connect with. But the memory of terrorist attacks in 2011 that left people dead. Walking down the roads and hallways of Taj where fear and terror ruled, I had a sick feeling of being shot and losing my life too. The city and the people have moved past the dreadful incident. The city buzzing with life is a reminder that life has to move on. It is a beacon of hope, that life always prevails. Also, I visited Mumbai during severe storm threat. Rains had destroyed the roads and caused havoc. But Mumbai does not stop for anyone or anything. Tragedy should be overwritten my blissful things to remember the memories of yesterday. I think that day I decided to reclaim my life and decisions. To move past the incidents that had almost destroyed my dreams. To move past the bad experiences of marriage that had caged me. I was free now and I could breathe. I just had to live now. Bullets or Thunderstorms, if Mumbai does not stop, Neither will I!
9)My first Himalayan trek and camping(October)
Last 2 treks in February and May, triggered a new interest of Trekking. The feeling of being amidst nature calms me down like no other. The long walk lets me focus on what really matters. I put myself up to my first high altitude trek-Hampta Pass trek. 5 day trek with camping. Although an easy trek, considering my stamina, it was pretty difficult uphill walk for me. I was the last person walking every day. What kept me going is that I knew that I would reach, I would endure. even if it takes time. But I will make it. I just had to breathe and keep moving. One step at a time. I had to be there for myself. I had to constantly remind myself that I am the only person I can trust and I had to listen to myself, my inner self which said "you can do it". I learnt to stay strong. Also what I appreciated was the compassion and support from my guides and fellow trek mates. Never giving up on me and constantly encouraging and telling me to take smaller steps and not hurry to catch up with the rest of the people. Every trek has been a reflection on my life. I have learnt to plan, I have learnt to trust myself and trust my instincts. I have learnt that to survive sometimes, you need to depend on people too. Not everything can be done alone. and I have learnt that it is not necessary to hurry to catch up with the rest of the world. I will eventually get there, in my own sweet time enjoying the views and taking in all the new things that come across patiently and with open heart.
10) More books, movies and dramas(Throughout the year)
I have been really enthusiastic about life and meeting new people. My bookclub meetups have been extraordinary. I learnt a lot of new things from them. They encourage to read and be open minded about ideas and knowledge. Sharing expands knowledge and that is what we all do in our meetups. I love it and I finally completed my 100 books list! This year I think I have been more outgoing, Sometimes with friends, sometimes daring to be alone. The fun about going to watch a movie or show alone is that you can focus on the movie credits and the popcorn or Nachos are just YOURS! IT does not matter if you have company or not, if you enjoy things, You shouldnt be afraid or ashamed to do it alone. Dont wait for others to make plans for you. Make your own plans and stick to it, Dont Let Anyone Ruin Your Day!Glad I learnt that.
A lot more has happened in this year. The details of every experience and new beginnings will be a part of me. 2017 has been a wonderful year for me and I will cherish it. I look all set for 2018 and what it has to offer me.Or should I say, what I plan to offer myself? :)
